The Blind Man Society

So, we were on the road.  A Ford Explorer, and five people on a mission.  Our mission was to buy as much duty-free alcohol as we could and stock up for the better part of a summer.  However, this was an outlandish idea that we used to justify to ourselves, that really, we had a slight drinking problem.

We arrived at the border checkpoint to cross into Canada.  We got a few customary questions by the officer there, and then crossed.  Our first stop was the duty free store to literally raid the place of alcohol.  Our second stop, was to the beer store.  I learned that in Canada, they speak into a microphone and the beer cases come rolling out on the platform to you.  It was like a cuckoo clock kind of, and we kept buying beer to watch it roll out.  But, it got expensive fast.  So, naturally since we didn’t catch this on camera from our phones, we vowed to return one day…to do it all over again.

We stopped for lunch and then returned to customs.  We had so many cases of alcohol in the back and seats of the Explorer that we had our heads crooked against the ceiling of the SUV.  We paid for what we bought, and drove back to the docks to head out to the island.

We loaded the 175 horsepower Boston Whaler with all the cases and hard alcohol, and there was so much, and it was so heavy, that when the throttle was full, the bow never rose.  We just plowed straight ahead through the chop and the boat never even tossed around.

We arrived at the island, carried wheelbarrows full of beer and hard alcohol to the room above the three entranced boat house and then I went home to change.  Driving the boat through a narrow crescent, I drifted from the wind into a group of birds fishing.  All I could think to shout above the noise of the engine in passing was “they say change is a good thing!!!”  and pulled in, tied up the boat and ran up the path to the cottage to change into clothes for the first party that night.

Returning an hour later, there were already many people there drinking and shooting pool, playing ping pong and imbibing all kinds of sketchy shot combinations.  Someone had brought a bottle of 151 proof alcohol, and a tub of wop was made using Everclear grain alcohol. 

To distill, we drank like fish.  We went to the sauna, then jumped in the 58 degree lake, shouting underwater, came to the surface and then the sauna again.  Returned to the boathouse to drink feeling shower fresh, danced like fiends on the docks, got a couple phone numbers, played some quarters using pitchers (or tried by this point) and raided the kitchen for drunk munchies.  I was too inebriated to drive the boat home, so I left by the beach to walk the stony beach in my sandals – two miles back. 

I have never had a great sense of direction.  A compass would have been good.  Instead, I decided to stop steering by the stars and moon, since I was walking in circles, and plunged into the forest.  It made perfect sense to me at the time, but four hours later for a normally 30 minute walk I entered the cabin with tree branches all over my clothes, pine needles and fronds in my hair, and pine and cedar sap all over my pants and shirt.  One could look at this in the negative…but, as I realized climbing into the clean bed with all my clothes on, and added nature that night, an electric blanket heals all – and the spiders didn’t even bite me while I slept.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say in this story of summer ribaldry, is that change is a good thing, a sturdy compass is better, don’t drink and drive, and nature rules the show.  It always leaves you smelling good at the end.  Whether you are fully clothed and covered in it, or not.

Thank you for reading as always, and I hope everyone out there is having a fantastic day, wherever you may be!